For 18 months after Charlie’s death, my only desire was to grieve. I celebrate how deeply I let myself experience my grief and how completely I prioritized myself during this time. I took a sabbatical, and only did what I felt like doing. At first it was mostly crying in bed.

After a couple of weeks of self-medicating with every substance I could get my hands on, I desperately wanted to feel close to Charlie again, physically close to him.

So, I dusted off my grandmother’s spinning wheel, had new bobbins 3D printed to fit the vintage wheel, and taught myself to spin. My goal was to eventually spin the bags of Charlie’s wool I’d saved every year when he shed his winter underfur.

I practiced with sheep’s wool. I spun for five or six hours a day, listening to the same three songs on repeat the entire time. In my remaining waking hours, I devoured spinning videos on youtube and read spinning forums. I still haven’t spun Charlie’s wool…. but now I know I can. And I have so much yarn!

At some point, I started hiking daily with the dogs, often to the bottom of a secluded canyon where I’d spin on a spindle while sunbathing all day long.

I created such a luxurious cocoon to be so sad within. So much good food that I made from scratch from the finest ingredients. So many baths. So many books. So much time spent outside in the wilderness.

And then after 18 months, I realized I no longer desired my grief to be my priority or the defining feature of my life, and I didn’t want it to become a crutch.

That’s when I shared my birthday self portrait on instagram. I wasn’t ready to write anything, but I knew that picture was worth a thousand words, that it would show that I was ok, that I was coming back into life again.

When I took that photo, I still didn’t know who I was without Charlie. I didn’t know what I wanted for my next season of life, and I didn’t fully want to know—thinking about it felt like the last big goodbye. Taking this picture felt like my first step into that abyss, the abyss of Next. And I do love a good abyss.

It’s been 18 months since that first step, and what an abyss it has been. Love, magic, adventure. Returning to parts of myself placed on pause for Charlie, discovering parts of myself I hadn’t yet met. Stories for other days.

In the meantime, I have Charlie’s 2024 calendar for you. He’s with me every day. CLICK HERE if you’d like to spend another year with him, too.

And tell me a little about your last three years in the comments, if you please….

three years ago: Light Of My Life
four years ago: Waving Tails
five years ago: If Eyes Could Say What
six years ago: Wakin’ Up Is Hard To Do
seven years ago: See Creature
eight years ago: Solid Gold
nine years ago: Mesmereyes
ten years ago: Autumn Bouquet
eleven years ago: Into The Sun
twelve years ago: Hide And Seek Sagebrush

My web magician and I have set up some really cool code for The Daily Coyote. Starting tomorrow and forevermore, the top post of this site will feature a photo of Charlie from our vast archives, which will change with every visit the blog.

I didn’t want the daily pictures to end, or for Charlie’s blog to become static. With this new feature, there will always be a surprise from Charlie when you visit The Daily Coyote. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I’ll be back to post more stories about Charlie and never-before-seen pictures from deep within the treasure chest of my hard drives, but such posts will be unscheduled and at random.

Since my written posts are mixed in with pictures around here, I’ve put my last long written posts about Charlie HERE so they are easy to find.

one year ago: Solid Gold
two years ago: Puff Daddy
three years ago: Winterland
four years ago: Confetti Eyes
five years ago: A Grand Adventure
six years ago: Grand Vista
seven years ago: Just Beauty
eight years ago: Sun Dumpling
nine years ago: Chillin’ In The Cow Camp Cabin
ten years ago: Napball
eleven years ago: Summer Is For Gazing
twelve years ago: Velvet

photo taken October 2020

one year ago: Solid Gold
two years ago: Snow Rove
three years ago: Winterland
four years ago: Is It Called Macaroni If It’s In His Mouth?
five years ago: Snuggly
six years ago: Nest Of Light
seven years ago: Just Beauty
eight years ago: Feeling Fall
nine years ago: Pile Of Play
ten years ago: Octopus Meadow
eleven years ago: Eli These Days
twelve years ago: How Cute Can A Baby Be

photo taken October 2020

one year ago: Colorblock
two years ago: Snow Rove
three years ago: First Snow
four years ago: Frosty Morning
five years ago: Strollin’ Strollin’ Strollin’
six years ago: Nest Of Light
seven years ago: Morning Blend
eight years ago: Feeling Fall
nine years ago: Stare N’ Shake
ten years ago: Love Two Love
eleven years ago: Heart Seizure
twelve years ago: How Cute Can A Baby Be

photo taken October 2020

one year ago: Charles
two years ago: Undeniably Autumn
three years ago: Perfect Poser
four years ago: Hoarder
five years ago: A Dream Of A Dream
six years ago: Lineage Of Light
seven years ago: Monday?!?
eight years ago: Turkeyface
nine years ago: Charlie And The Big Red Dog
ten years ago: Lip Smackin’
eleven years ago: Champagne Quirks
twelve years ago: Oh, The Expression!